Saturday, April 18, 2009

DG wants to know!

Tell us exactly what you think:

Has the feminist movement killed chivalry?


Ashley Kilbourn said...

I think so. I think men are now feeling less like men because we are trying to do everything with out them: Careers, Motherhood etc. And most of us have succeeded in doing so. So they treat us as if we don't want help from them, in which lowers their self esteem... killing chivalry in it's tracks. Women today think that the only way they can move up in a company is to act like a man, but the thing is WE AREN'T MEN, WE ARE WOMEN.
And what are we going to prove to men if we try to act like men? I am all for equal rights, but I am not going to change my self in order to get to where I want to be, especially if that means to act less like a woman and more like a man. My mother was a stay at home mom but she was a strong independent woman. My father knew that but he also knew that she respected and needed him, just as much as he respected and needed her.
Also, if you let a man FEEL like he is the one in control or that he has a part in your family then you will receive a knight in shining armor. However, if you make a man feel like he isn't needed just there, then yeah I wouldn't want to hold a door open for you either.

sara said...

I don't think chivalry is dead just because women want to be more in control of their lives and actually maintain a career.

My mom has always had the upper hand in my parents relationship. She hasn't necessarily worn "the pants" but she pretty much runs the household. They've been married for almost 25 years and my dad is seriously one of the most kind, generous, and overall chivalrous men I know. Just because my mom may have the control I don't think it makes my dad feel like less of a man. He'll bend over backwards for my mom and anyone he cares about. I think my mom has taught me that I can be a strong, independent woman and not have to rely on a man for happiness. I can have a career and be proud of that and not have to stay home cooking and cleaning and raising the kids. I don't think all men want a woman who is a "Stepford wife". This isn't the 50's.

sara said...

Also, I'm not saying that when I have a family I'm going to concentrate solely on my career. I've witnessed a couple who were so career driven that the kids always took the back seat, and I don't want to be one of those mothers.

I'm just saying that right now at age 23 that I'd like to establish my career. Of course I want to get married, have kids, etc. I just don't feel I'm ready to take that jump at this age. Chivalry is about respect, and if I can't find a guy who respects me because I want to focus on my career first then he just isn't worth my time. It's not about making a man feel like a man, it's about finding a man who is respectful.

"Also, if you let a man FEEL like he is the one in control or that he has a part in your family then you will receive a knight in shining armor. However, if you make a man feel like he isn't needed just there, then yeah I wouldn't want to hold a door open for you either."

I love you Ashley but I can't really agree with this. We'll just have to agree to disagree. Like I said, my mom has all of the control and my dad is pretty much a knight in shining armor. I guess it just depends on the man. If I man doesn't open a door for you then that's just rude.

Kerri Gilpin and Brooke Ernst said...

There are a few points I'd like to make - first lets define chivalry - we think automatically of a guy holding a door open for a woman to walk in. The word chivalry originated with Knighthood, and the way a knight carried himself as a gentleman. Now the dictionary refers to it as: courteous behaviour, esp. by men towards women.

When I think of chivalrous or gentlemanly behavior, I think of so much more than opening a door. Nowadays, women act like they don't need any help with ANYTHING from men. Women have become so self-absorbed, they forget about chivalry, and when it's shown to them they don't even know how to react.

Another point I'd like to make is, I think if women acted more like LADIES, the men around them would be inclined to act like GENTLEMEN. The problem there is, women act like skanks, and expect to be treated like ladies... it doesn't make much sense to me.

I'm a woman who is independent, can do things on my own, I know how to use tools, change a tire, repair a lot of things. But if there's a man around offering to do those things, I'll be glad to let him do it. Our gender roles have gotten blurred over the past 20 years, but me wanting to be an independent woman doesn't neccesarily mean I don't want/need a man.

Not to sound like a rap song, but it has a lot to do with respect. MUTUAL respect.

Ashley Kilbourn said...

I agree with you completely Kerri Gilpin and Brooke Ernst. Women today do try to do everything without men. My husband and I were just talking about this blog a few minutes ago, and he agrees with me completely. He loves the fact that he has his things to do around the house, and I have mine. And he shows me chivalrous acts all the time by helping me around the house ( not as much as I'd like ) He also thinks that women today do not act like ladies like they use too, and same thing with men. He loved the fact that I could cook, and commented on how other girls he dated were clueless in the kitchen. But him and I have both been cooking since we were 10, so we are use to it. And I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to keep my house clean and to make sure that we BOTH have wholesome healthy meals to eat everyday. My husband is even starting to experiment with cooking more now, so it's nice to have some time to relax while he cooks. Also in my first comment, I spoke of my mom as being an independent homemaker. Even though she stayed home she had her own business. She would make cakes for people, and painted ceramics. Just because she didn't have a career out of the home she made raising her family her career. And I respect and cherish that decision. My mom is one of the most strongest and independent women I know and always told me that I could be anything I want to be. And I love her for that. I am my mothers daughter and she has taught me that if you respect a man, then he will respect you. But she also told me that if I were to know how to cook and to clean that it would not only benefit myself when I became a woman but it would benefit my family as well. I just feel like in todays society I get looked down upon because I want to be a home maker, and it's just completely unfair. I want my career to be raising my children into better human beings then myself, it's not only one of the hardest jobs out their but it's also one of the fulfilling. And to be ridiculed because of that not only from other women but the media too is just odd to me. It's in our nature, and some women can do more then raise their family but for this independent strong woman raising a family is what I was meant to do. I know that from the deepest parts of my heart.
(This is a little of the topic...)

Kerri Gilpin and Brooke Ernst said...

I don't think that it has so much to do with who is in control of a household, or even that it's neccesarily related to the household. Chivalry is about men being gentlemen.

The problem is: there's more than just one way for a man to be a gentleman. It could be someone you work with saying please and thank you, or it could be the guy in line at the grocery store seeing that you only have one thing to buy, and letting you go in front of him.

I think the opposite of chivalry is chauvinism. Being a jerk, basically. If the chauvinist does an act of chivalry, it doesn't make him a gentleman!